It is just a story

Extract from A Well Mind.

One of the hurdles we encounter in the journey to mental wellbeing is stories that we recite to ourselves that we feel define us. We create a whole life around beliefs that were shaped in us during the first seven years of life.

A common narrative of my life was that I am not enough… not sure if you can relate. Another is I’m not smart enough. And I always felt such a fear of rejection believing that as soon as I opened myself us- I would be deserted by someone. The stories we tell ourself are often along the lines of ‘I can never be an artist as I can’t paint, I have two left feet, I’m not attractive enough, I am too old/ too young, I have nothing to offer, I’m not experienced enough’ etc. These stories keep us locked in prisons of isolation and ego.

When I was lecturing, sometimes students would leave my class early and sure enough I would start to think ‘I am not a good enough teacher to hold their attention … I said something stupid … perhaps I am boring, my lectures are not as interesting as their other classes,’, etc. This is because I was familiar with telling myself this story, and it reinforced what I felt in younger years: I am not enough. In reality there were so many reasons my students left early- I had been guilty of leaving early in my undergraduate years -and it never had anything to do with the lecturer.

We need to get to a place where we understood we are not born with a tag on our back reading ‘easily replaced’, or ‘not enough’. Just as none of us are is born with a tag stating, ‘I don’t have enough, I’m not capable enough, I don’t deserve, I don’t have time, I can’t leave, I can’t …’.

It’s not reality, it’s only a story.

Use the space below to think about your own stories and how they impact your life today.

The stories we recite

Reflect on stories you created from negative experiences when young. Think of a time where you felt like you weren’t good enough, had enough, or similar, and write it down.

When in recent years have you recreated that feeling?

How could you reframe the story? For example, the time you weren’t invited out with your classmates in high school and the story that stuck with you was ‘I don’t fit in’. Reframe that as ‘ I didn’t have much in common with those classmates- but now I have friends that invite me out often’.