Community
Every successful individual knows that his or her achievement depends on a community of persons working together.
-Paul Ryan
We have such a primal urge to be part of something and we form strong attachments to other people. This universal human trait leads us to form groups: from family, tribes, clans, organizations, religious groups, through to nations. Group bonding is intrinsic to our nature and throughout history to be part of a tribe imparts a visceral comfort unlike any other. When social bonds are broken we can suffer immense despair and loneliness, which can manifest as symptoms of depression. Unfortunately loneliness is manifesting in plague proportions in the 21st century; in part thanks to the rapid progression of technology. We are connected and yet many of us feel so disconnected.
It’s not the quantity of interaction with others that matters so much, but quality of social ties; although both are linked with poor health outcomes if absent . We long to be part of a community, as we crave a sense of both being seen and heard.
But what is community in the 21st century? Can online interaction satisfy our desire for community, do we need something more tangible?
What is community?
Do you recall a time where you were sitting on a couch with a group of friends just talking? Not looking at phone screens or even playing board games; just sitting, talking and listening? There was no urgent need to be somewhere else, hanging out was the only agenda.
It was a common occurrence during my lifetime and I feel a sense of sadness for young kids today.
The traditional community is where neighbours have lived in close proximity for a number of years, building strong support networks. A tribal community involved gathering around a fire to eat, tell stories and dance with others. These days many of us don’t know our neighbours (other than a quick nod of the head when collecting the mail). Communities contain people of all ages and this is important as the young impart energy and the elders impart wisdom.
Traditional communities are being erased, consequently cracks in society are showing. In modern community we live in nuclear families and some rarely see extended family. We have developed self-interest; what is best for myself and immediate family; as opposed to what is best for my community as a whole.
Communities address fundamental human needs. We want to belong and we want to feel loved. Community is not about performance or external goals but rather is a place of acceptance.
Creating shared experiences and developing deep connections make the human experience richer. The idea of needing others and being needed is dying along with traditional communities. We previously benefited from reciprocal relationships with others in our community; barter systems were the foundation that these communities were built on. These days we can get what we want online, and from complete strangers, so the building of relationships is cancelled out.
Here are some things to reflect on:
If you commute more than 20 minutes to work, don’t know your neighbours’ names, don’t talk to the people running your local stores, don’t hang out with anyone older than yourself, or haven’t delivered a meal to someone who is unwell, you may be lacking true community.
There are some things that we can all do to bring a sense of community back into our lives.
A community is a group of people who have come together, and they work and they live to try and improve the standard of living and quality of life - and I don't mean money.
-William Baldwin
Charles Eisenstein wrote an essay in 2010 called A circle of gifts, [ii]where he explores community, what it is, and why we haven’t managed to retain it. He points out that community is difficult to cultivate in a highly monetised society because authentic community is spun from gifts and generosity. Historically we relied on others who had certain gifts, and we bartered with ours. Strong relationships were formed with the baker, doctor and blacksmith who possessed the gifts, or skills we lacked.
Eisenstein argues that today we get together and consume with others as opposed to create: that weaving strength into relationships with gifts is a lost art. In gift communities there is no hoarding only sharing: people pass on surplus with the comfort that there is enough to go around.
Eisenstein introduces the concept of a gift circle. The gift circle is a concept developed by Alpha Lo and colleges,[iii] and it exemplifies the dynamics and connection of sharing and collaborating. Ten to twenty people gather in a circle and takes turns in stating one or two needs they have. For example, a person may need a babysitter, some help with gardening, some help with finances, a ride to the city, someone to walk the dog while they are away. As each person shares what they need, others in the circle can offer to meet the stated need, or offer suggestions of how to meet it.
After everyone has had a turn, each person then states something they would like to give. For example, the use of their car, a meal, some fresh eggs from their chicken, time put towards a working bee. It can be any gift at all: time, skills, material things. As each person offers to share anyone can speak up and state that they would really like to be gifted or know someone who could do with that particular gift.
During this process someone takes notes and sends them out to all in the circle. Eisenstein highlights the importance of following up and delivering what you have gifted, or gift circle may end up feeding cynicism rather than community.
Finally, the circle can do a third round where people express gratitude for the things they received since the last meeting. Gratitude is important because in community, the witnessing of generosity and gratitude in others inspires generosity and gratitude in us.
It is beautifully simplistic: needs, gifts, and gratitude generate a culture of needing others and feeling needed ourselves.
Ways to cultivate community
Begin your own gift circle with friends.
Get to know your neighbours and offer to help them out occasionally.
Attend local community meetings in your neighbourhood.
Start a community garden.
Organise a working bee within your community to clean up the streets.
Cook an extra meal and surprise a neighbour with a home cooked meal.
Offer to walk your neighbours dog once a week
Support local business
For those of us wanting to start or find community we should consider: what are our values and how strongly aligned do you need them to be with our community, how much time do we want to spend with others, and what do we have to offer, or need from others. Having a strong community offers growth, guidance, and adds new dimensions to our life; allowing us to strive and thrive with strong support.
It is not more bigness that should be our goal. We must attempt, rather, to bring people back to...the warmth of community, to the worth of individual effort and responsibility...and of individuals working together as a community, to better their lives and their children's future.
-Robert F. Kennedy
[i] D Umberson, JK Montez (2010). ‘Social relationships and health: a flashpoint for health policy.’ Journal of health and social behaviour. Vol 51(Suppl) S54–S66.
[ii] C Eisenstein (2010). ‘A circle of gifts’
https://charleseisenstein.org/essays/a-circle-of-gifts/ Accessed 2020.04.01
[iii] https://opencollaboration.wordpress.com/