Embracing change
I have had so much change in my life over the last six years –I am really not great at coping with change. To start, my 22 year old marriage ended, and it happened in the midst of completing my PhD. My daughter officially moved out, bought a house, and got engaged to her now husband. My son also ‘flew the coop’ and went travelling. My dog had to be put down. I had to sell the family home as I couldn’t pay the mortgage whilst on a scholarship.
Fortunately, I managed to finish the PhD, and also secure to a full time lecturing position at a local university: then moved to a little townhouse next to the beach. Serenity reigned for a year. However, in that year I made decisions to end some friendships that weren’t meeting my needs for loyalty, forgiveness, or integrity. This was unsettling and shook my sense of security in the world.
I then met my new partner- now husband, Simon and life changed -big time.
Simon has two children from a previous marriage that live with him. We met, moved in together after 7 weeks, got engaged after 4 months and married after 9 months- talk about a whirlwind! As we have the kids full time (back then their mother was only occasionally having them on weekends and before school for an hour), we were trying really hard to juggle work with school holidays and after school care. I had a demanding role teaching and researching at a University and was leaving work early to commute home to help with meal preparation, lunches and the general ‘stuff’ required for an 8 and 10 year old. I had already done it all before with my children and found it really hard.
After some conversation, and with the understanding that Simon had greater earning capacity than I did, I resigned from a much wanted position- one that I knew was as rare as rocking horse poo. I then went to work for Simon’s IT company as a marketing and operations manager. Now this is particularly funny as I am technologically challenged at the best of times, and the ‘cloud’ was something I had heard of, but had no idea what it did. Fast forward and I was miserable. I had a job I really did not like. I was isolated, working from home most of the time as we didn’t have an office, and we also had 2 children to help care for. Needless to say I was not bubbling over with joy.
Fast forward again- this time 9 months, we had decided that we wanted a country change. We wanted some land and a slower paced life, and importantly to escape the traffic and congestion that accompanied rapid urban development. And so we just started looking casually and by chance we stumbled across our dream home. We both walked through an open home inspection, looked at each other and just ‘knew’ that this was it. So we sold up and took on some more debt and an acre of land with an 1890’s cottage and some chickens and fruit trees.
With that move came more responsibility for me with my step children, and after more deliberation we decided that I would be freed up to work on my dream (Nutrition door, and writing a book, and some painting -and many other projects), and as such I would be the ‘stay at home step mum’. And to remind you, as stated in the opening paragraph, I do not cope with change well.
I have struggled over the last few months and really dived deep within myself to accomodate this change from full-time employment to starting out on my own. This weekend I was so blessed to have my ex sister in-law and her husband come and stay. We were always friends above in-laws, and have remained in contact, despite me remarrying. Anyway we were talking about the journey that we are both on, and I shared my struggle with the recent career changes- and also my new responsibilities. She gave me a metaphor that I think she had read somewhere. I want to share as it has helped me so much. In fact it is a piece of wisdom I will clutch onto anytime I have doubts about my path.
She recalled that she had read somewhere that we each walk a particular path- it may be work, or school, or family, and not necessarily well considered but just the path we chose. Anyway we walk this path, and over time because we are walking it daily we clear the way. We walk the path and it becomes even, familiar, flattened, and cleared of debris due to the continuous trudging back and forth daily. Then due to circumstance or choice we venture down a different path going in a completely different direction. This path is unfamiliar and overgrown as it hasn’t been used often before. We may trip over tree roots that we don’t see, and have to clear our way through dirt and debris. It’s a hard path in comparison to the one we have been walking previously as we are used to that path- it’s familiar and safe. We are tempted to resume walking on the path previously used, but something inside of us knows that its no longer the right path. So we persevere and eventually over time the new path becomes familiar. It is cleared from the daily walking and becomes our new path, and we are happy to never go back to the old well worn path.
This is something I will reflect on whenever I am struggling with changing direction and taking a new path. I think it will help me to stop looking at the old, familiar path wistfully, and instead focus on getting to know the new path and clearing it with every step, so that it becomes easier and easier- which is pretty exciting really.